I want to create an image by using the perfect adjective. I see the word, but can’t quite grasp it. I shuffle through alternative words to find a synonym, but it’s not precisely what I want. Maybe the word will float up from my subconscious later, but for now it has disappeared like a puff of smoke.
One of the bags of groceries doesn’t make it out of the cart into my car. I go into another room and forget why I went there. I drive on autopilot and end up somewhere else. Is it ditzy, distraction, or am I beginning to really lose my mind?
My kids sometimes view me as a slower, less hip person than they are, and I’m sure that’s normal, but they also look to me for real world advice: filling out a W-4, polishing a resume, buying a car. I’m the planner of the family, the bill payer. A lot depends on me, so it’s unsettling to think of me blanking out or becoming unreliable.
Is there something wrong with the language center of my brain? A hidden tumor that needs attention? Mini strokes that have gone undetected because everyone looks for the symptoms that only men have? Will I develop dementia? Now I’m making too much of a small lapse. I’m articulate, with a good mind for process, and I navigate successfully through life. Though I do wonder whether the odd hiccup moments are the first indications of a decline. I expect to live a very long life, and it’s an unappealing prospect if the body and / or mind fails.
I could try to combat these gaps with homeopathic potions for memory improvement, cross-word puzzles to keep me sharp, and thesaurus.com. For now, I’ll try to slow down, focus, limit the multi-tasking, and capture interesting new words in a notebook. I think it’ll pass. Now, if I could only remember where I left the notebook.